Mitch Morgan 11 minutes ago My favorite (career-related) Christmas memory is as follows: In 1978 I was a jock on RKO's 99X In New York. The station spent a fortune on getting a float in the iconic Macy's Thanksgiving Parade in a multi-year deal. As a young kid from the Midwest who was still blown away that I was actually on the air in the Big Apple, and now would be on a float with...yes..."The Village People" in a world-wide broadcast, it was beyond belief! I showed up as instructed at 7 AM at 78th & Central Park West. I showed officials my badge and then was directed to the "Celebrity Bus." Well, they must have the wrong guy, I thought , as I approached the VIP area. Nope. "Come in son" a grandfatherly security guy said as I hoped on the bus. "Listen to you guys all the time.! I still remember in slow motion time and in recurring dreams the following: As I walked down the isle, the first person I saw was Burl Ives who would be on a float and sing "Holly Jolly Christmas". "oh boy", I thought. They are about to kick me the hell out of here ANY MINUTE!!" Then as if I was on Fantasy Island itself....there was Ricardo Montalban & Tattoo suited up and resting comfortably. In a quick self-realization that I belonged "in the back of the bus"...I continued down the isle. To my right was Goldie Hahn. To my left was Artie Johnson and Ruth Buzzy. A few rows down were (I swear to God (LAVERNE & SHIRLEY!) Like · · Promote · Share Greg Jarrett, Bob Cercone, Justin Earl Cleveland and 5 others like this. Mitch Morgan But wait! There's MORE! At the after party at Macy's I did a shot with THE INDIAN of the Village People... You see, he was on the outs with the rest of the band for showing up late. 8 minutes ago · Like · 2 Mitch Morgan At that point, I climbed back into my Volkswagen and drove back to New Jersey where my wife, visiting brother & girlfriend where waiting. Calling home to my parents house in Germantown, I said hello to everyone, and finally my brother Bob who put the whole thing in perspective: "Happy Thansgiving, Bob.!" Resonse: :Man you sure look fat...." True story. 4 minutes ago · Like · 1 Bob Bateman I'm lovin' this, Mitch. (But...you've never looked fat). 3 minutes ago · Like

Mitch Morgan I stumbled as Schultz whacked me against the head : I hit the floor of the 32nd Precinct , midtown Manhattan on a beefed-up charge of "Doing Their Job Before They Do...Whoops!)... You see, murder, broken bones & hearts, wasn't nothin' new to the officers of NY's Blue....It was an every day occurrence. After getting kicked off the force for boozin' Brawlin' and makin' everyone look bad by solving crimes...I went to the dark side: I was now a licensed PI: Private Investigator. This time the crime was not only bloody horrifying and grisly, It was political and that means there is only one loser: ME! (To Be Continued)..

(short essay...no NOT true, BUT!)... I was sitting at my desk trying to decide whether to extend and relax my legs on the RIGHT drawer (empty) OR the LEFT drawer which held the Whiskey when Clifton blew up my cell. "What's up Gary", I cringed as the familiar number illuminated on the phone. "Dude, you owe me and you know it."...said the former entrepreneur and felon. I invoked the name of the Savior as my legs crashed on to the floor spilling whiskey and saliva from my lips. "You and I have noting in common but that Brazilian whore who stole our wallets, and our hearts in '05!... " Be real, Senior! "This is not about whiskey or girls. This is about savings what's left of YOUR life!" It was then I regretted adding all of Clifton Brothers recordings on my stations as National Music Director of RKF Radio. You see, as a former National Music Director, turned Private Investigator, I found out many of my former label reps, were now a part of a huge federal investigation that I wanted no part of! "What, Gary? Guess you don't know I've gone straight and am now back to my old gig: Turning wrenches and fixing washing machines for my old man!? Ha! chortled Gary. "You think you are safe from all that?" It was then that I knew that playing any of the Clifton brothers recordings would land me in a hell with no end.! At this point all I wished was I had declined the offer of dinner and a free T-Shirt those many years ago. (To Be Continued).

That Damn Mule...

As an executive of a Chicago paper company , I was doing quite well. They make your print paper, your notebook paper and even (ahem) your toilet paper. After working my way up from intern to executive VP, I thought I was the "Cat's Pajama's." Or in today's vernacular: I thought I was the s---! My delusion continued well into 30 years on the job when a private equity firm decided to 'fix it." Uh..oh..." I thought as I met my new boss, a 32 year old MBA from Yale, with eyes as big as the hubcaps from my '49 Hudson. " Before he could give me the 'good news' I acted proactively and told him about my new business opportunity in Colorado. As I said goodbye, it took all my years of professionalism, moral upbringing, and good judgement to keep from flipping off the little fucker as I walked out the door. You see, I had purchased a Colorado Guest (Dude) Ranch with a small inheritance, and I had the staff all set. When people come out west, they expect to see cowboys. Well I had a rogues gallery of ex-convicts, felons and general miscreants all duded-up to look like Jesse James, Wyatt Earp, and big-Nosed Kate. (She was my girl wrangler with a story longer and dirtier than this one.) You knew this was going to happen, didn't you?... First summer flooded out the main lodge, with water asshole deep to a TALL Indian. I thought I could go on until...you guessed it: Big-Nosed Kate beat Pete, my head wrangler to death with a weathered hackamore from one of the dead horses. Now all of this I could handle, I thought... until my partner and ex best friend Shep showed up with the town constable and a grin on his face like a mule eating ice!...(to be continued)...

Ok Here we go... (Short Story Fiction: sort off...) After a long career in broadcasting I sort of semi-retired when I saw that vacant lot on the corner of Sunset & Prarie. "Hmmm", I thought." "This would make a great place for a car lot!" So I threw the rent money at what I thought would be another money losing wing of "Mitch Morgan Productions." But wait. That usually evil siren of fate smiled upon me as I unloaded a tuna boat of a '77 Caddy for three tiimes what it was worth. I tried not to feel bad as the young mother of four waved at me while she drove off in that smoke belcing machine with enough dirty diapers to mask the smell of enough hydrocarbons to make a Republican blush! As I shook my head and headed back into the office (1940's quonset hut 'borrowred' from the National Guard) my land line blew up" "Mitch? It's Lulu!." Uh, oh...I thought as I took the call from my former New York 99X producer: a 300 pound Samoan woman who would not be denied. "Hey"L" what's up? "YOU is up! Dats What!"......ok.....I cooed...give it to me. "Well the lady what bought your Caddy? is now dead & those kids are going batty!." It was thenThat I wished I had taken the gig back at the Polka Station.....(to be continued....)

Bob turns Blue (and Black:) Bob took the pliers into his right hand, and palmed them so no one would see. As he turned around and faced me, I saw the hate and intent in his eyes. "Owe you money, huh?" the enraged mechanic growled as his grip tightened and arm swung around as I dipped and turned sideways. "Nice try fat ass" I smirked." The inertia of the swing took Bob around and down into a pool of 10W-30. Strong as an ox, and as big as one, I stood on the massive man, as he lay prostrate in the concrete floor. It was all about the football pool from last year, when Bob (administrator of the pool) took a few liberties with math and walked out with $2,00 of our money. "Dude, you're lucky it was me who came to ask the tough questions!" Hoss and Vince wanted to hire Royce Senior to preach you a lesson you would feel." It didn't matter, really as we had already taken Bob's '96 Porsche and turned it into enough parts for a chop shop, or bait for America's fence: "E-Bay." (to be continued) See all stories on my blog at mitchmorgan.com

Read the story about Lulu.....(essay): I ran into Lulu when she was a female "host' at the Detroit Auto Show back in 1971. Now, unlike all the other girls welded against the new cars...this girl was special: at 5' 8" and 200 lbs, she stood out like a whore in church. But she would not be denied. The combination of charm and personalty had guys falling all over themselves as water over the Hoover Dam. We had worked together when she was an intern and half of her present 'self.' Having arrived on the mainland from Honolulu in 1965. That was the year I purchased my new '65 Mercury Comet. That is right, she worked the show her first year in town, and that was when cars were as simple as the GED I had just flunked! Well things were just fine until an over eager show attendee shrieked as she opened the trunk of the new sheet metal & glass compact that Ford was trying to sell: "OH no problem, " she said, as she calmed herself by pointing to the blooding torso. Dawn, just my luck, I thought as I was being shipped out of homicide into a new 'desk job.'////Guess things will just have to wait."////to be continued...

A new story (God help us):

Mitch Morgan

about a minute ago

As an auto mechanic I wasn't much good, having learned my trade by fixing washing machines & dryers for my dad, an owner of Laundromats. Trying to replace a bearing or a pulley, he would just shake his head and walk away as I stumbled through the project. That was the way it was until Rachael walked into the the fray. "Oh, she cooed, you are such a talented young man, can you show me what you are doing?" Well, being 17 and totally out of my league, I reluctantly showed her my "box of tools."
I had never dated a girl with an Audi before, having heard all of the stories from fellow mechanics: (Tell her to take it to Audi. We can't fix that shit here..)" Well, as I tried to explain, her bruiser ex-husband stormed through the doors and demanded "What are you doing with my Wife?!" I tried to be cute with the old man but he was having none of it. "How about the Cha Cha I joked.?"...I saw the right hook coming, but it was the left jab that left me sprawling on the concrete floor. "What do you have to say for yourself" the behemoth roared. It took all my strength as I coughed out my response: "You should have taken it ti Midas."!

Kelly Ripa amazing legcross

WOKY Summer '08

WOKY Summer '08

The Tool Man

I surprised myself as I started fixing things at the old house when neighbors came by and asked for my services.: Well, I didn't think I knew a ratchet from batshit but it turned out...I was wrong. ... "Can you replace this window and what do you charge", an 18 year old coed coyly asked, as I diverted my eyes from what was...sweet Jesus... the best natural rack I had ever seen. "Suurree, I rasped." " I have a special discount for....students!!" Yes, that was it! Well. I got out my screwdrivers and I swear to God , that was the only thingl I screwed with that sunny afternoon in October, '09. You see, my career options were quite limited: Sure, I could wear an orange vest and cut weeds next to the freeway or work the beer stick at Danny's Pub...but to be honest with you...I was as burned out as the candles on my 60th birthday cake! But between my beer can recyling business and my meth lab...I knew I would be ok. The problem was, when pretty young coeds turned up missing (or worse) I was a natural target for Milwaukee's Finest.

"I want to see my attorney," I demanded as I was being worked over in the tired old good cop/bad cop routine. Kowalski grinned and said, "me too, but we all know Finn is hiding out in Sanibel...so you better cough it up!" Finn was a lifelong friend and we would always be connected by the fact that we both almost died on the same day in a whitewater rafting trip gone wrong on the North Platte River near Golden, Coloado, during the suummer of '05. There is nothing like coming close to losing your own life that would make an eteral bond and friendship between two people. Plus, he was rich...and I was NOT...but I digress...

I'll give you the short version: I was convicted of invouluntary manslaughter...and sent off under house arrest at my cabin on Cedar Lake. Wearing the ankle bracelet was a pain, but worse was the fact that I could go down to the pier...but not out on the water! Piss me off. Morover, it was a huge embarrasssment having to have beer and pizza DELIVERED...'cause I was homebound.

Just goes to show you, by the end of our lives...you're gonna need a hall pass just to....take a 'you know what'!