A new story (God help us):

Mitch Morgan

about a minute ago

As an auto mechanic I wasn't much good, having learned my trade by fixing washing machines & dryers for my dad, an owner of Laundromats. Trying to replace a bearing or a pulley, he would just shake his head and walk away as I stumbled through the project. That was the way it was until Rachael walked into the the fray. "Oh, she cooed, you are such a talented young man, can you show me what you are doing?" Well, being 17 and totally out of my league, I reluctantly showed her my "box of tools."
I had never dated a girl with an Audi before, having heard all of the stories from fellow mechanics: (Tell her to take it to Audi. We can't fix that shit here..)" Well, as I tried to explain, her bruiser ex-husband stormed through the doors and demanded "What are you doing with my Wife?!" I tried to be cute with the old man but he was having none of it. "How about the Cha Cha I joked.?"...I saw the right hook coming, but it was the left jab that left me sprawling on the concrete floor. "What do you have to say for yourself" the behemoth roared. It took all my strength as I coughed out my response: "You should have taken it ti Midas."!

Kelly Ripa amazing legcross

WOKY Summer '08

WOKY Summer '08

The Tool Man

I surprised myself as I started fixing things at the old house when neighbors came by and asked for my services.: Well, I didn't think I knew a ratchet from batshit but it turned out...I was wrong. ... "Can you replace this window and what do you charge", an 18 year old coed coyly asked, as I diverted my eyes from what was...sweet Jesus... the best natural rack I had ever seen. "Suurree, I rasped." " I have a special discount for....students!!" Yes, that was it! Well. I got out my screwdrivers and I swear to God , that was the only thingl I screwed with that sunny afternoon in October, '09. You see, my career options were quite limited: Sure, I could wear an orange vest and cut weeds next to the freeway or work the beer stick at Danny's Pub...but to be honest with you...I was as burned out as the candles on my 60th birthday cake! But between my beer can recyling business and my meth lab...I knew I would be ok. The problem was, when pretty young coeds turned up missing (or worse) I was a natural target for Milwaukee's Finest.

"I want to see my attorney," I demanded as I was being worked over in the tired old good cop/bad cop routine. Kowalski grinned and said, "me too, but we all know Finn is hiding out in Sanibel...so you better cough it up!" Finn was a lifelong friend and we would always be connected by the fact that we both almost died on the same day in a whitewater rafting trip gone wrong on the North Platte River near Golden, Coloado, during the suummer of '05. There is nothing like coming close to losing your own life that would make an eteral bond and friendship between two people. Plus, he was rich...and I was NOT...but I digress...

I'll give you the short version: I was convicted of invouluntary manslaughter...and sent off under house arrest at my cabin on Cedar Lake. Wearing the ankle bracelet was a pain, but worse was the fact that I could go down to the pier...but not out on the water! Piss me off. Morover, it was a huge embarrasssment having to have beer and pizza DELIVERED...'cause I was homebound.

Just goes to show you, by the end of our lives...you're gonna need a hall pass just to....take a 'you know what'!